tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83185178102336580932024-03-13T00:37:57.781-04:00The Many Pieces of My HeartAimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-73960152788703849012013-01-20T20:34:00.000-05:002013-01-20T20:34:28.727-05:00Happy Birthday to my precious little one gone too soon. This year you would be 4 and I would be buying you more toys than I would know what to do with. Instead I pray that your great grandpas and your sisters are giving you the hugs and kisses I long to give you. You were called home to early and we never got to meet but I held you in my womb for 23 weeks and I will hold you in my heart forever. You are never far from my mind and on your special day I will think of you, raise my face to the sky, and sing to you "Happy Birthday".<br />
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Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-15272099976713188172013-01-09T22:39:00.001-05:002013-01-09T22:39:03.826-05:00How Life has ChangedI just got an email from "Michelle Obama" asking me to serve (no idea what this means and don't care to find out) on January 19th, Inauguration Day and then it goes on to talk about the first Inauguration Day the Obamas celebrated four years ago and that's when I realized how much my life has changed in four years. <br />
The last Inauguration Day I found out we had lost Ziggy, so I was in the hospital waiting to deliver her. I remember this SO vividly, I can still picture Michelle Obama's white dress for the ball and I remember looking at the TV trying to find an escape from the hell that I was in but not really watching and soaking in what that event meant for our country.<br />
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Now four years later I have lost a total of 3 babies, we are insane and working on me trying to get pregnant one more time (I am confident this will be successful and I will give birth to a beautiful baby), I have lost 82 pounds (and gained 10 back), I have completed my Master's degree, bought a house, completed 2-5ks, and I have adopted 2 of the cutest cats in the world.<br />
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It is amazing how my life has changed in four years and how much I have changed (for the better I think). Here's to hoping that the next Inauguration Day I will have changed more (I will be 36) and that I can say how much I love having Earth babies!Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-31908540154769789782012-09-28T23:37:00.002-04:002012-09-28T23:57:05.229-04:00Ramblings....I don't really have a topic tonight or set thing I want to blog about but rather I have things on my mind that I want to share so tonight is about my ramblings and if you feel like giving advice feel free.<br />
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* Everytime I work out (mostly rollerblading) I think about how I will keep my activity up when I am pregnant and what I will do after I am pregnant. No, this is not because I am obsessed with pregnancy but rather I am obsessed with keeping all the weight I have lost off. Yes I know I will gain weight while pregnant but I want to keep weight gain to a minimum and I want to be a healthy pregnant woman.<br />
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* With thinking about pregnancy, I think of our beautiful angel babies and the pregnancies that gave my beautiful babies to me. All three pregnancies were "easy". I unfortunately gained wieght quickly but I felt good and overall I was healthy.<br />
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* Also with thinking about my past pregnancies and our girls I think about what I should have done differently while Libby was still here. I wish I had spent more time with her. I rationally know that I needed to sleep and take care of myself but all the times I sat in my hospital room watching TV, I wish I had been in the NICU watching her. I wish I had touched her more but I was SO afraid to make her sicker. I am so grateful for the time I did have with Libby I just wish I had, had so much more and that I had used the time I did have wiser.<br />
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* At times I am still distraught with grief over the loss of my girls<br />
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* When I am sad and upset I am able to find positive ways to deal with the pain and I can face and deal with the pain.<br />
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* I am physically, emotionally and mentally 100% stronger than I was a year ago. I have lost 82 lbs., I am training to run my second 5k and should be able to beat my previous time, and I am able to deal with my emotions and I have emotions other than sadness.<br />
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* I have wonderfully supportive family and friends. <br />
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* I am done rambling :) Thank you for sticking around and listening to my ramblings! Good Night<br />
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Footnote: no alcohol or other mind altering items were used prior to or after writing this.<br />
Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-37755462019954156712012-09-17T22:35:00.000-04:002012-09-17T22:35:18.798-04:00A secretI have a secret that I want to share (which will make it a non-secret but anyways). I deal with depression and I am not going to hide it or hide behind it. It is only an it, it does not define me or make me any less of a person. I am not like the TV commercials, I do laugh, I do find joy in life, but sometimes I don't but it's okay because I know I will get through and things will be sunny again.<br />
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There are some days that things are going really well for me and the depression does not get to me and there are other days that I want to hide. I have found that when I am stressed to my breaking is when I slip into these depressive times. I do not want to eat healthy, I do not want to work out, and for the most part I don't find I enjoy anything. For those who know me very well, I know they can see these moments in my interactions with them but for those who don't know me they see nothing but the happy woman I usually am.<br />
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I have learned to put a happy face on and let strangers/acquaintances believe that everything is okay while inside I am barely holding on. In the past I have been on medication to help with the depression and I have seen a psychiatrist which has helped immensely. I can now "see" the depression and as I try to make healthier choices in my life I have begun to try and find healthier ways to deal with my depression. I feel that I am lucky in that I no longer need the medication and the depression does not pull me under constantly and I am finding ways to deal with is but it is something I have to deal with.<br />
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I don't think enough people are willing to stand up and say they deal with depression, which makes it more of a stigma then it truly needs to be. While depression is hard, for some (like myself) it is manageable and it's something that needs to be brought to light not hidden away. I am learning through my weight loss and all the things they teach us at Weight Watchers that when you need help, you need to ask for it; that is exactly what I am trying to do in all aspects of my life. There are days I need help to put one foot in front of the other and there are some days I need help to not shove every fattening food into my mouth. There are other days that I don't need any help at all (for the most part these days occur more often).<br />
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So there is my secret. Nothing earth shattering or life altering but something I feel needs to be stated and dealt with. If I can get promote one more person to admit they need help in one way or another this blog post will have served a higher purpose than me just rambling.<br />
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Some of my favorite quotes that I think of when I feel down..<br />
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<br />Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-20358702281689196012012-07-27T08:48:00.002-04:002012-09-02T02:41:14.718-04:00Fifty Shades of...Insanity<span style="font-family: inherit;">Before I start my review of the Fifty shades series I need to first state that I LOVE to read and for the most part I read trashy romance novels so with that I give you my review of Fifty Shades (SPOILERS included)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Okay so I will admit I succumbed to the peer pressure of the summer and read Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker AND Fifty Shades Freed. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We were going on vacation and from what I heard these books sounded like good trashy beach reads. Not the case unless you are 12 and have NO idea about sex. First this is a book series that supposedly has gotten America’s women back into the bedroom…to do what???? I am sincerely hoping America’s women were not turned on by the sexual descriptions in these books because if so I suggest checking out Sandra Brown’s earlier books or anything by Carly Phillips, much trashier <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and the women in those books call their private areas something other than …”down <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">there.</i>” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">So now that I have finished the whole series, the “action” was a little better in the third book but….<o:p></o:p></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Second these two have more sex than horny, sex addicted teenagers. Okay I understand being turned on by your significant other but EVERY time they looked at each other one or the other was alluding to sex, by the third book I was rolling my eyes saying... “AGAIN.” Obviously this is not real life based or the sex only lasts for 2 minutes each time (which is NOT good) because honestly there is not enough time in the day to have this much sex, eat, sleep, and work. Oh or argue because if they weren’t having sex they were most likely arguing about something or other, which would then lead to sex because as we all know sex solves EVERYTHING. I was “proud” of Christian for being able to sustain when Ana was injured. She on the other hand was insatiable!!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Also while from time to time Ana has a backbone for the most part she is a sniveling, naive woman and as a woman who has a backbone and does not cower under a man this irritated me. When he is finally giving her what she wants she continuously questions him and worries about being “right” for him.While reading book 2 at some point I wished I could step into the book,strangle her and yell “he said you are the one he loves, get it through your thick skull and move on” For a smart woman she was VERY dumb when it came to listening to the simple words that were coming out of Christian’s mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if we heard about her inner goddess once we heard about her 500 times!!! By the 20<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> time I saw Ana’s inner goddess referred to I skipped that section. Her inner goddess reminded me of Lizzie McGuire’s cartoon self in the Disney show Lizzie McGuire; when an issue came up the human Lizzie McGuire would “think” using her cartoon Lizzie McGuire...Anyways I digress. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">These were books to pass the time while traveling but by the third book I think I only truly read 200 of the 451 (according to Kindle on iPhone) pages, this does not say much about the writing or really the storyline.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These books did not get me back in the bedroom (sorry Kyle) but they were okay one time reads, not really ownable as I will never pick them up again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you read these books what did you think and what made YOU pick them up????</span>Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-30410813884355561102012-05-27T21:50:00.001-04:002012-05-27T21:50:20.468-04:00My HusbandI don't know if I say this enough but I love my husband. We are your über cute couple. We both walk around with stars in our eyes for each other and we (mostly me) finish each others sentences. At times he can annoy the pants off of me (not literally, Kyle) but other days like today I am smitten with him to the Nth degree.<br />
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Today we went to Monsoon Lagoon (local waterpark) which is full of children. Through counseling and getting over my grief I have gotten better with dealing with the emotion that come up when I am surrounded by children especially babies. While it is still tough, I am not crying or left feeling come rely empty. Usually when surrounded by children I will say "I want one" to which my wonderful husband will answer with a hug and "we will have one". He dies not condem me for stating my hurt or my desire but instead embraces what it means to me. <br />
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Without Kyle I am not sure if I would be as strong as I am. I owe him the world for being there for me and always letting me feel the way I need to feel to heal.<br />
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For all the times I may not have said it I Love You and Thank You! <br />
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The love of my life, daddy to our angel babies, our future children, and our fur babies <div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUOaL3Pc109h25CiMQiT8As8LL_zp44ANGgyNCP_-sOooNjrhVGgxIkqF2aX5H_LYgP7kUpfzBLr4yyTnFShspMs73ALqGRy7WCuQsXrMTZ0FGGh-ByKLLDpsh7bNIZVW-EzIx7h_4Rv0v/s640/blogger-image--2137717719.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUOaL3Pc109h25CiMQiT8As8LL_zp44ANGgyNCP_-sOooNjrhVGgxIkqF2aX5H_LYgP7kUpfzBLr4yyTnFShspMs73ALqGRy7WCuQsXrMTZ0FGGh-ByKLLDpsh7bNIZVW-EzIx7h_4Rv0v/s640/blogger-image--2137717719.jpg" /></a></div>Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-63784415071327584132012-04-14T22:24:00.000-04:002012-04-14T22:24:01.475-04:00How Will I KnowSo lately I have been thinking quite a bit about being pregnant again. It could be because Libby has been on my mind a lot lately or the fact that I am 15 pounds away from goal weight; but no matter the reason it has been on my mind a lot. With the idea of being pregnant again the thought comes up of how will I know when I/we are ready. We have been through this two times prior and I thought both of those times that we were ready and I am not sure if we were. With the lose of Ziggy we waited awhile to try again and didn't end up getting pregnant a second time until 13 months after losing her. The next time I tried to get pregnant it was within a month or so of losing the second baby. Now looking back I realized that I should have done then what I am doing now but I wanted to fill the void and move on, not deal with the pain. After losing Liberty, Kyle blatantly told me that we are NOT trying for a year (and it takes two to make a baby). So for the past year we have focused on our relationship, on our grief and on life in general. I have focused especially on my weight and becoming a healthier human, which now I wish I had done before getting pregnant with Liberty.<br />
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Maybe if I was healthier before getting pregnant with her things would have gone better but truly I think I needed to find the bottom of the barrel to get myself to this point. It wasn't until I had hit rock bottom and was possibly facing never being pregnant again that I found the motivation I needed to get healthy and be a stronger personal physically and mentally.<br />
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So now here we are a year later and I am asking myself "how will I know when we are ready?" I know that I HAVE to hit my goal weight and sustain Lifetime status at Weight Watchers, I know I need to stop taking anti-depressants, and I know Kyle has to be ready, but how will I truly know we are ready and not just covering up the hurt still? Is it possible to have divine intervention? We can't just start trying due to my medical needs so Kyle and I will have to actually decide when to start trying and that is frightening. Once we decide to start trying the likelihood of me getting pregnant fairly quickly is very likely. So how can we willingly say yes we are willing to try again knowing what maybe in store. God willing we will NOT go through this tragedy a 4th time and the Dr. we are working with is very confident that the new medication they are going to add to my regiment will help; but still I am scared shitless.<br />
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I don't think that feeling is ever going to go away so I can't say I know I am ready when I don't immediately think "Holy Shit" and pregnant at the same time. I have started having baby dreams; which could be the divine intervention I am seeking or it's all the Toddlers & Tiaras I keep watching (yes i really watch it, it's my dirty little secret). I am anxious and excited to be pregnant again and every time someone in the entire world says that they are pregnant my heart drops a little because it's not me and I want to be so badly. All three times I have been pregnant I have loved it and felt fairly calm but this time is our LAST time and I know as much as I will love being pregnant I will also be quite anxious and worried.<br />
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At this point I just don't know. It's like a stereotypical conscience conversation; angel on one side, devil on the other except in my case it's baby on one shoulder and anxiety on the other. Both make sense to me and I don't think either will go away no matter what. I need the divine intervention or the faith to just jump in. Until one or the other comes along I guess i will jsut continue to work on my weight loss and trying to figure it out.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-69200132133199397802012-03-30T21:47:00.000-04:002012-03-30T21:47:00.648-04:00I Wonder....I wonder what you would look like if you were here with me today. <br />
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Would you have red hair like your mommy or blond hair like your daddy? What color would your eyes be? Maybe blue or green or brown. Would you love running around the house or would you rather sit on my lap? What kind of stories would we read before bed? Would you sleep in late or have me up bright and early every day?<br />
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I will never know exactly what the future may have looked like, but I know that I will forever love you and hold you in my heart. Someday we will be together in heaven but until that day I will continue to see you in my dreams and feel your kisses with the breeze.<br />
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I love you Liberty Ann Klink forever and always.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-73766810661437818362012-03-30T19:00:00.000-04:002012-03-30T19:00:28.353-04:00One Year Ago TodayOne year ago today I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Liberty Ann Klink. I was admitted to the hospital on March 28, 2011 as the blood flow from Liberty and I was not flowing correctly (absent diastolic). I was originally admitted for observation. Upon my admittance they did all the typical blood tests, etc. and I was told I could stay in my street clothes. When the results came back from my blood test they found that I had HELP syndrome (low liver enzyme, high platelet count) and I was placed on complete bed rest with a fetal monitor on and catheterized (something I have never had done before). They also started me on magnesium something as well as a shot of something in my hip. The rest of the night was fairly uneventful, except listening to Libby's wiggling around.<br />
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The next morning I had an ultrasound and Liberty was moving around quite a bit still and practice breathing (a good thing). I had more blood tests done and my liver and platelet numbers were trending in the right direction (trending was the popular word at the hospital). I was still not allowed to eat or drink and I was still on complete bed rest. I did get out of bed one time to go to the bathroom. Again the day was fairly uneventful until one of my all time favorite nurses (and best friends) came on duty as my nurse and I was told I could eat/drink a little. I got chicken soup broth, jell-o (which was not easy to find), toast, and LOTS of apple juice. At midnight I had to go NPO again in case I had to deliver the next day. Again we went to sleep listening to the beautiful sounds of Liberty kicking the fetal monitor.<br />
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March 30th, I had more blood tests and my liver and platelets were still trending the right way and I was allowed to eat yet again, YEA!!! unfortunately it only lasted for about 10 minutes. When they came in to do my daily ultrasound Liberty was move less and the blood issue was worst than the day before. So at 10 am they decided I was going to be prepped for an urgent c-section. So with two sips of root beer (I snuck it in while I had my ultrasound) I waited to go to surgery. Scared for the surgery as well as for my baby's life. <br />
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Kyle and I immediately called our parents to come to Ann Arbor to be there when Liberty made her grand entrance. little did we know it would be another 10 hours before I would be taken for my c-section. Between blood tests and doctors "thinking" it was a long day. Since I was on Lovenox/Heaprin they had to watch my clotting ability to decide if i could have an epidural. In the end and MANY pin pokes it was ruled that i could not be given an epidural safely and that I would be put under general anesthesia. This made me a little sad because i wouldn't get to see my baby right away nor would Kyle be able to be in the room. So FINALLY at 7:45 am all of the doctors cam into my room and wheeled me down to surgery. Kyle was able to sit right outside the OR and wait. Our parents went to the waiting room, which in hindsight was maybe not the best idea but no one was thinking straight.<br />
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So I go into the OR where I am listening to all the doctors talk and prep the room and then I am told to count backwards and I was OUT. Next thing I know I am in my room again with my in-laws, mother and husband talking and watching me. Of course i couldn't just wake up and be normal no I needed to make funny faces. My mouth was dry between my teeth and my lips but NO one could understand this and my lovely mother kept offering me chap stick. I finally was able to ask for pink spongy things to suck on. I know at some point during my delusional state Kyle told me our little girl was alive and in the NICU. While I continued to sleep off my anesthesia Kyle took my in-laws and my mom to the NICU to meet Liberty. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvIgKhpSiP9R_o6oReu0ZN_P_cQTovOT_9hRUSXU-D1ueCl39zGyTqooynWp0izpv2bEqzhzQ1dfELX-glqQ_Enht5NY5PPsnc-DJps1xLDkyLKZvwS4v3Hekyt8aSxN7u2nze1iD4EWvr/s1600/liberty1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvIgKhpSiP9R_o6oReu0ZN_P_cQTovOT_9hRUSXU-D1ueCl39zGyTqooynWp0izpv2bEqzhzQ1dfELX-glqQ_Enht5NY5PPsnc-DJps1xLDkyLKZvwS4v3Hekyt8aSxN7u2nze1iD4EWvr/s320/liberty1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Liberty immediately after delivery. Her body was in a plastic bag to keep her moist. She weighed 1 lb. 1 oz and was 11 inches.</td></tr>
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At about 3:30 am I was able to function well enough to ask Kyle to take me to the NICU to meet Liberty. She was SO small and pink and beautiful. The nurses talked to me a bit but I have NO idea what they said nor did/do I care. I wanted to sit there forever watching her. Unfortunately I was still doped on anesthesia and had to go back to my room to sleep.<br />
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From that day on my life became all about that beautiful little girl. I was in the NICU as much as I could be and did everything possible to make her comfortable and know she was loved. Sadly we lost her 20 days later but those 20 days were the best days of my life so far. Kyle and I miss her as much today on her one year birthday as we did on the day we ultimately let her return to heaven.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglws17e1dZcq6tXquw-yGXVG3qWRx9SOTbSnc3f8_jHKkp_YXukbBeFpzJsNwCryA8LXxMzo_rEUZXf6_LChF7P5pC1oZA0ENb5IhpGb6u9XNFWS4lBUxlzvyGA4K2cXcr6r60X5oyPsSi/s1600/DSC03385.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglws17e1dZcq6tXquw-yGXVG3qWRx9SOTbSnc3f8_jHKkp_YXukbBeFpzJsNwCryA8LXxMzo_rEUZXf6_LChF7P5pC1oZA0ENb5IhpGb6u9XNFWS4lBUxlzvyGA4K2cXcr6r60X5oyPsSi/s320/DSC03385.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me touching Liberty's little hands and her little foot. She was SO tiny (think about 1/2 the size of a preemie cabbage patch doll)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgQCgWuV_H1KbQ59ZQIK0K2zTgtG3PDa9Ep2sT2_fVUcGyYWm8m6PreqXu8lBfRMloU0X6Qqur4F8z4uiqhvkTlbAl1jWF3KmplRFSsi11QPze4MzSry6SV2pH9WXfpdiFuaRDcwpR7R0W/s1600/DSC03393.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgQCgWuV_H1KbQ59ZQIK0K2zTgtG3PDa9Ep2sT2_fVUcGyYWm8m6PreqXu8lBfRMloU0X6Qqur4F8z4uiqhvkTlbAl1jWF3KmplRFSsi11QPze4MzSry6SV2pH9WXfpdiFuaRDcwpR7R0W/s320/DSC03393.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My little Diva, Liberty Ann Klink. This was in the first few days and she literally made the "whoah is me" move.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-86329542230762241102012-02-19T22:16:00.000-05:002012-02-19T22:16:06.389-05:00When, when, whenI want a baby and I want one NOW!!! <br />
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Now that, that is out I can rationally speak. A month ago Kyle and I went to see Maternal Fetal medicine peeps and we now have a pre-conception plan. With the pre-conception plan in place and knowing what we need to do, the want to be pregnant is stronger everyday. There are some things holding us back such as Kyle getting settled into a new job, me wanting to lose 25 more lbs., and getting past Liberty's birthday and death day. <br />
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Hopefully starting in May I can begin doing my basal body temps. again and start to see the pattern of my cycle and then maybe by Fall we will be "ready". Quite frankly I am not sure we will ever be ready, ready; it's going to be more like jumping into a freezing cold pool, one little toe in at a time.<br />
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All the reasons for needing/wanting to wait but I am still anxious to be pregnant, to feel a baby move inside me, to see my belly get huge, to be uncomfortable and swollen. Every time some one announces they are pregnant I want to run home and try to get pregnant as well. I know I need to deal with some more of my grief and get my emotional and mental strength back but I still really want to be pregnant. It is S-L-O-W-L-Y becoming about wanting to get pregnant with our next child not being pregnant to replace any of our children. I am finally at a place where I can say that no child will ever replace my sweet angel babies. <br />
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Also with the next pregnancy not only will we be anxious the entire 9 months but there is NOTHING magical about getting pregnant and no sweet way to tell Kyle once I am; as I have to start on medication before we can even try. Sure I can take the medicine in private but I only have a 2 month supply so Kyle has to be on board with me getting pregnant. With him being in the medical field he will know as soon as we start trying how long he has to wait for me to take a test and I can guarantee he will stand in the bathroom with me while I do it. <br />
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Growing up you always hear be careful you don't want to get pregnant, make sure you use protection you don't want to be pregnant, yadda yadda yadda. Now that I want to be pregnant and have children I have to not only not use protection (obviously), but poke myself, take a handful of vitamins and medications, wake up early and stick a thermometer in my mouth before I am truly awake, and as all of this is so sexy I then have to convince my wonderful husband that I am sexy and that we need to have sex RIGHT NOW!!!!!<br />
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Here's to hoping I soon get to write a blog post about being pregnant. For now I will look at Pintrest for cute baby things and cuddle with my fur babies.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-35727673480828689462012-01-30T17:56:00.000-05:002012-01-30T17:56:10.634-05:00THE Doctor's appointmentSo today was the day that we went to meet with the doctor to find out what the plan is for the next pregnancy. I know, I know, really you are going to try a fourth time??? and to that I say YES, yes we are. This will be our last pregnancy and d***it, it will work and I will have a baby here on Earth to hold and cuddle and kiss. <br />
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Anyways back to the doctor's appointment today. We went in and basically discussed what we had learned from hematology and reproductive endocrinologist, which was that normally my hormones are where they should be and that I don't seem to have any other medical issues that we need to deal with before trying again (ALLELUIA). We then talked about what we are going to do next time which is Plaquenil and Lovenox. Both medications will start at ovulation and continue till I don't know when. Well the Lovenox will be consistent to the entire pregnancy but the dosage is being lowered to 40 mg 1 time per day for the first 20 weeks and then 40mg twice a day for the last 20 weeks. I am also going to start doign Basal Body temps. again to get a hold of my cycles. If I have to medicate myself at ovulation I best figure out when ovulation occurs. <br />
So now we have been given the go to start trying again which is verve wracking and not something we are thinking about until Summer or Fall. We also won't have any more doctor's appointments until I am pregnant again which is a little stressful to think about. <br />
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I will get pregnant, I will have a child, Everything will be GREAT.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-36841202922044804362012-01-29T09:36:00.000-05:002012-01-29T09:36:41.490-05:00An Unexpected PieceI never thought I would say this...Exercise is a piece of my heart. A very tiny piece at this point but a piece non the less. I have found that I enjoy feeling my muscles work, the rapid beating of my heart, and the overall calm I feel after a work out. I still find I have to force myself to get up and go but once I do I never regret going and I even find myself doing more than I originally thought I would do.<br />
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9 weeks ago I started the couch to 5k program and was barely able to jog for more than 3 minutes. Now 9 weeks later I am jogging for 22 minutes straight and will soon start jogging 25 minutes. It is amazing how much stronger I feel and how much more I am able to push my body to do. Starting February 1st I am adding a daily ab workout in the hopes of seeing great results in my waist line. <br />
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For now I am off to change and do a small 30 minute workout at home. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/kE2-rDTdf2U?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-31078957990630570212012-01-22T20:49:00.000-05:002012-01-22T20:49:15.033-05:00FriendsI, actually we (hubby and I) have the greatest friends in the world. Today we went out to lunch with our friends for all the January and February birthdays (there are approximately 10 in 8 weeks time) and looking around the room I realized how loved we are and how much we love all of them. Every one those people that were there today are the people that we can count on no matter what (and a few that were unable to make it). We have laughed and cried with these people more than once. We turn to them for advice, humor, and love. I hope that we provide our friends with as much love and support that they provide for us. We never say it enough. THANK YOU for your friendship!!!Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-31376429743591526102012-01-09T17:48:00.000-05:002012-01-09T17:48:01.267-05:00Why???No one word in the English language reminds me more of a nosey 2 year old then the word why. We have all dealt with the child that says why to everything they are told. Why do I have to eat green beans? Why are they green? Why do they smell funny? why, why, WHY (it can go for hours if you let it). <br />
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Unfortunately, this is a word that has lived in my head for many, many months. Why have we lost 3 beautiful babies? Why can't the Dr.s help me carry a baby? why, why, WHY???? But today my why issues are not only for me but for a good friend of mine who miscarried a baby last year and has reached her due date. Why do good people keep losing their beautiful children so early in life? Why are we not given them for many, many, many years? Why are we "given" them at all if they are just going to be taken from us before we can even hold them? <br />
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Some people say "God has a plan", "believe in God" "and my favorite "There was a reason God took your child." Now after 3 losses I am hesitant to say that I feel God has a plan but I also have to cling to something even if it is a microscopic thread of belief. If I have no belief that there is an ultimate plan then I cannot believe that my day to be a mommy with not only beautiful angel babies but also earth (rainbow) babies will never come.<br />
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There are many people who mean well when saying the above phrases to a woman that has lost her child but as a woman who has lost her child they really do not console us or make us feel better in fact at least for myself they make me feel worse and madder at God. If he has a plan for me then why do I have three angel babies and not one baby in my arms? Why does my friend who has tried everything under the sun to have a baby mourning the child she should have delivered today? I do not see where God is at in all of this. <br />
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For all the mothers who have lost a baby I wish you peace and strength. No one should have to go through what we have gone through especially numerous times. I leave you with my favorite quote at the moment: People cry not because they're weak. It's because <span style="background-color: white;">they've been strong for too long.</span>Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-16962865876979377022012-01-03T19:33:00.000-05:002012-01-03T19:33:46.957-05:00One of My Many PiecesToday for some odd reason Pippa Lou has decided to love me. Before I explain how Pippa Lou is all about loving me I need to explain Pippa Lou. For the most part she is a cold hearted witch with a B. She does not like to be touched, she does not like to be held, she watches everyone's every move to make sure they are coming nowhere near her, she hisses when she is mad and she will also nip at your hand if she is really mad. <br />
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So now today I come home from work and end up falling asleep on the couch for a bit. While I am asleep, Pippa crawled up on the couch with me and fell asleep as well. She was quite content and probably would have stayed there awhile but I had to get up. While my dinner was cooking she curled up on my lap and then while I ate she curled up on my lap and is now sound asleep and allowing me to pet her.<br />
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They say pets sense illness and problems, but I don't know of anything being wrong with me except for my monthly friend coming so no idea why Pippa is so loving but I am enjoying it; even though my legs feel asleep 5 minutes ago as I am sitting on the couch Indian style.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-12235209066930888192012-01-02T12:06:00.000-05:002012-01-02T12:06:09.039-05:00New Year, New Resolution, New Me???I started this blog months ago yet I have only posted several times so as many find themselves doing at this time of year I am making resolutions for the new year and one of them is going to be to update this blog on a regular basis. My other resolutions are: <br />
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1. Keep working on my weight loss and exercise. So far with the help of Weight Watchers I have been <span style="background-color: white;">able </span>to lose 50.4 lbs., I am 5 weeks into doing the couch to 5K program and I am planning on running a 5k in the Spring, I have become more physically fit, my blood pressure is normal, and my hormone levels have become stable and at a normal range. <br />
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2. Stand up for myself and tell people what I need. Too often I do not tell people what I need or how I am feeling but rather hold my emotions/comments in so that I do not offend others. While this is a good practice in life generally going through what Kyle and i have been through I need to be able to tell people when i am sad or that what they have said offends me. <br />
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3. Enjoy my husband and our relationship. Kyle and I have been together going on 8 years and have been married for almost 5 years. In that time we have moved 5 times; once in with family, have both been in school; Kyle to get his Associates in Nursing and I to get my Master's in Administration, we have lost three beautiful babies and have found that there are complications to me being pregnant, and we have been so broke that we had to scrounge for $1.00 to buy an ice cream cone to split.<br />
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Overall, my personal theme for this year is...ME. I will become the best me that I can be and I will work on enjoying life. I wish all of you a very wonderful 2012.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-55608854253874399982011-10-18T20:52:00.000-04:002011-10-18T20:52:43.703-04:00Tears Were ShedSo today the hubby decided that we were going to go to the cemetery to make sure that our beautiful Liberty's headstone is correct and been placed at her spot. Before going I was having mini anxiety attacks and did NOT want to go, which made me feel more anxious. Once I got home and hubby got ready I was dragging my feet to get up and go and finally had the crying spell that was welling up inside me. I cried for a good 5 minutes, which got some of the anxiousness out of me. I mostly didn't want to go because seeing the headstone with her name on it made it SO real for me. Obviously, it is real to me everyday as I do not have her here with me but seeing her name on a headstone in the ground right below her sister's headstone was like a steel-toed boot kicking me in the heart. So anyways, I finally got myself together and we went to the cemetery where I kept it together for the most part. I also planted some flower bulbs that came from an arrangement I got while I was in the hospital after having Liberty. I said a little prayer to Liberty and Ziggy (our 1st lost baby), cleaned up the headstones and we left. We both felt comforted; me for finally going and getting over this hurdle and hubby for being able to see that the headstone is correct (had a lot of issues when ordering) and that his little girl has been taken care of.<br />
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So then on the way to dinner Kyle brought up the topic of having another baby. This has been a touchy subject for us since I was pregnant with Liberty. When I got pregnant with Liberty Kyle told me then that it was going to be my last pregnancy because he could not continue going through the losses and the heartache as well as the anxiety over me being pregnant. So after we lost Liberty I wasn't sure where we were headed and in recent months we have been discussing surrogacy over me being pregnant. This is a viable option for me BUT I still have a deep desire to be pregnant one more time. Kyle has agreed that we can try one more time but that, that is the absolute last time no matter what happens. The plan has been since we began discussing this that we will do a surrogacy, then me pregnant, and then possibly adoption. After discussion in the car the plan maybe changing to me being pregnant first and then looking into other options. Quite frankly if I can successfully be pregnant and deliver a strong healthy baby I will be ECSTATIC with one child (a very spoiled one). <br />
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So now we are discussing me being pregnant (not for at least another almost 9 months) and waiting to see what my Maternal-Fetal medicine doctors say about what needs to be done for me to be pregnant. I am currently in the midst of getting blood work done with Reproductive Endocrinology to check hormones and from there we may go see a genetic counselor. We are also having Kyle tested for the clotting disorders, which if they come back positive means that together we are causing the baby to have a clotting disorder and the baby is therefore clotting the placenta not me.<br />
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Overall, I am happy and anxious thinking about being pregnant again. Oh and scared S***less that history will repeat itself for a fourth time but as I have 9 months to learn all I can and come to terms with everything that has happened I think I will be okay in the long run. Also if this is the path we are going to go down I need to get other things in my life straightened out and pregnant friendly.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-17068462563611043572011-09-03T16:50:00.000-04:002011-09-03T16:50:55.010-04:00Seriously...<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So life has been fairly good lately. Back to work, lost 30 lbs., still working out and continuing to build a great relationship with my hubby again. That is until this past Monday. Monday night after I got home from work our oldest kitten, Pippa Lou was throwing up. At first it looked like a hairball issue so I was not too concerned just annoyed with cleaning up the puke (especially since hubby was awake and just looking at it). After cleaning up I got ready for WW and headed out with mom. I got home around 9pm and found about a dozen spots of what looked like red Kool-Aid on the bathroom floor. As I am wiping it up I notice that it is blood not Kool-Aid and I can only assume it is from Pippa Lou as she had been sick earlier. So I get her, her food, the littler box, the laptop and my book in my bedroom to settle in for the night and watch her. I also call hubby and the vet to tell them about the blood puke spots. Then as I set on the bed all comfy cozy Pippa jumps off the bed and precedes to throw up again and again it is blood. At this point I am beyond concerned so I pack her up and we go to emergency vet. Now to go to Emergency vet we have to pay $77 just to walk in the dang door. So we get there and she is not happy with me. They weigh her and check her out and they can't find a reason for the puking but they want to do an x-ray. I agree to the tune of another $159. After the x-ray is read the dr. states she still can't find an issue other than Pippa is full of poop and her kidneys look a little larger than they should. So we decide Pippa may just be constipated so they are going to give her an enema, Zofran to stop the puking, a medication to help coat her tummy in case she has an ulcer and some fluids. Now we are looking at a $314 bill. We pay and I take my still lethargic kitten home; she pukes in the car but seems okay otherwise. Finally home again 2 hours later and on our way to bed again hopefully to stay this time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Next morning rolls around and the vet calls, still being concerned about Pippa I make an appointment for later in the day. Kyle is on Pippa duty and agrees to take her to vet. So while at the vet he is texting me. Our vet does another x-ray and finds what looks like a foreign body in her intestine. We are assuming it is her blankey that she holds in her mouth to go to sleep, bye bye blankey. As there is a foreign object in her intestine they need to do surgery. When they go in to do surgery they find out that there is no foreign body (YEA) but that her intestines are inflamed and irritated (as the vet said ANGRY) so they want to do a biopsy and see if she has FIP (feline infectious peritonitis) which is fatal or if she got into something she shouldn't have which is VERY likely as she is very nosey. We have to wait until Tuesday to get results but we can have our precious kitten back the next day. So we pick her up on Wednesday and her belly is all shaved and stitched closed and her neck is shaved (assuming it is for an IV). She is very lethargic but happy to be home. By Thursday she is almost back to her normal self and we are feeling good.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Friday rolls around and I decide to get her a collar shield thing as she is starting to lick her incision. While at the vet's to pay for the collar I am escorted into a room to talk to the other vet in the office (not our primary). Results are in and she did not get into something she shouldn't have (YEA) but she does have FIP, which as I said before is fatal, but at this point not a death sentence. We are going to our primary vet on Wednesday to see what all of this means for our sweet kitten and what we do from here on out. I refuse to put a 6 month old kitten to sleep but I also don't want her to be miserable and in pain. For now we just keep loving all over her and praying that she can battle this disease for a while.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not sure what I will do if things go downhill too quickly or we are told that she has to be put to sleep. We got Pippa the week we put Libby to rest; therefore I have a HUGE attachment to Pippa and need her to stay around for a while for my mental health. Without Pippa or my baby girl I think I may actually break into a million pieces and cease to function.</span></div>
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Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-81506227814608370452011-08-03T15:55:00.001-04:002012-05-27T22:08:08.624-04:00BabiesAs I mentioned in my introduction post my husband and I have lost 3 beautiful children in the last 3 years. This year we are taking time off from pregnancy and enjoying each other, our family, friends, and our 2 new kittens (Pippa Lu and Mr. Bowie). Also in this year we are hoping to learn about the ability for me to be pregnant again as well as the possibility of surrogacy. <br />
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We have found out much about my health in pregnancy since I was pregnant with our first baby (Ziggy Ann). After losing her at 23 weeks gestation we learned that I have a clotting disorder called MTHFR, which caused there to be blood clots in the placent and umbilical cord. I was then put on Lovenox (blood thinner) 40mg for my second pregnancy with Frank. We lost him/her at 17 weeks gestation due to clots, IUGR, and no amniotic fluid. Looking back that pregnancy had a lot of issues and I think that it was going badly from the beginning. The third pregnancy with Liberty went better then the previous two. I was on 100 mg of Lovenox twice daily, I felt good, she was very active and all felt good. At 25 weeks the drs. noticed that the umbilical blood was having problems and they admitted me to watch her as wella s we found out I was developing HELLP syndrome. 3 days after being admitted I had an urgent c-section and delivered Liberty at 1 lb. 1 oz. and 11 inches long. For being as early as she was she was doing okay and holding her own. As time went on she didn't continue to develop and ultimately lost her fight at life. <br />
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The best and worst day of my life was the day I held her and lost her. We were able to kangaroo (hold her against our skin with her skin) while she was on the vent so I know she got to feel us and feel our love. I was also able to give her some breastmilk which lit up her eyes. I will treasure that memory forever. I also got to hold her when they took her off the vent. As her mom I knew when they stopped the vent that she had physically left me. She will never leave my soul or my thoughts but her little body is not here with me anymore which is BEYOND hard. It is never easy to lose someone you love but to lose your child is unimaginable. <br />
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Since that day all of my babies are on my mind a lot and here lately I think of Liberty and our time in the hospital nightly. One reason can be because one of my co-workers was pregnant as well and due around the same time as me and has brought her baby to work a few times which is good and bad. Another reason I have been thinking about Liberty often is because we are going to the drs. next Tuesday to discuss my ability to be pregnant again and what the protocol is. I know they won't tell me I can't get pregnant but I am also not sure they can give me solid answers of how successful a pregnancy will be and at this point I don't know how much more my hubby and I can deal with.<br />
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We are also looking into gestational surrogacy(hubby and I's baby making stuff and someone else's womb) and I have someone that is willing to be my surrogate but until I find out what the drs. say I don't want to look into that option any deeper for some reason. I know we will have a surrogacy pregnancy at some point because me being pregnant is rough on my family as well as my emotional state so I will probably only do one more pregnancy anyways but still I struggle with having a surrogate pregnant. I want to be pregnant, I want to have my feet swell, I want to feel like I have to pee every 10 sec.; I am okay with all of that and more than anything I want to feel that for NINE months (or at least 8 1/2). My hubby doesn't understand my desire to be pregnant when we have options like surrogacy and it is not something I can explain but it is something I feel I have to do. Hopefully when we go to the drs. they will have a positive outlook and hubby will feel a little more reassured about me being pregnant.<br />
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For now I am just trying to enjoy life as best I can and do what I can to get myself healthy so when, not if, I get pregnant again I will know that I am doing everything necessary to provide for my baby and myself.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-15613167336269478242011-08-03T15:53:00.000-04:002011-08-03T15:53:52.753-04:00The Many pieces of my heart<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ4rrC39WYexbIGS6AkuQ0uwoOTAKoe44nOgnjbUW6FJi-m1CxI2XI2gi4JO2eTEYLgr0bx5zSpVBIaH7suwA-4YHcTfO2tADiBfqed2JZCXaVxtqMr9UB84wUcyOTjxrVb2wFQypEvWuM/s1600/DSC03438.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ4rrC39WYexbIGS6AkuQ0uwoOTAKoe44nOgnjbUW6FJi-m1CxI2XI2gi4JO2eTEYLgr0bx5zSpVBIaH7suwA-4YHcTfO2tADiBfqed2JZCXaVxtqMr9UB84wUcyOTjxrVb2wFQypEvWuM/s200/DSC03438.JPG" t$="true" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My wonderful hubby & I </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuoQPNO_5NhsCSCA7d6bxwJXv_y4fZ1Pc4-IiPXQx1yTCLgMs4yUetJHYfU0uT27-EInW4gEBJQZyVJNb_fZ9kWbq-Hv4Nsbcj2KxseFVVNFv_lyCmh1rBGvRmGc3Hta44HU7boJ2aVagW/s1600/diva+moment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="145" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuoQPNO_5NhsCSCA7d6bxwJXv_y4fZ1Pc4-IiPXQx1yTCLgMs4yUetJHYfU0uT27-EInW4gEBJQZyVJNb_fZ9kWbq-Hv4Nsbcj2KxseFVVNFv_lyCmh1rBGvRmGc3Hta44HU7boJ2aVagW/s200/diva+moment.jpg" t$="true" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Liberty Ann</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2SAApjTNk3Zw_e-06ZzCNljTycrDV0j1DO0X4K-FLZvfcFeqZ_xf-Mp13rILuAyT5NJiDSQWuAYhELjJW4H1BbRg3OB3jngFOcs_zi3bxSnUPIA5A4HddbVT5jjT72khCnIrT-kmsN-1k/s1600/Ziggy%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2SAApjTNk3Zw_e-06ZzCNljTycrDV0j1DO0X4K-FLZvfcFeqZ_xf-Mp13rILuAyT5NJiDSQWuAYhELjJW4H1BbRg3OB3jngFOcs_zi3bxSnUPIA5A4HddbVT5jjT72khCnIrT-kmsN-1k/s200/Ziggy%255B1%255D.jpg" t$="true" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ziggy Ann</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8K2VGkQHxWle91_uTOWl4HMKk4IvI09CCVLHwD7wAunzPSoA27MGTaIWvqQorkQjcHkj2NJ4J2sfVoOCpFTVB4EtW9qJfhwLru7Q1H90dudgC2nRcR4Ll_rf6YGE3y0jItRiLqvC5jTFf/s1600/mom+and+i.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8K2VGkQHxWle91_uTOWl4HMKk4IvI09CCVLHwD7wAunzPSoA27MGTaIWvqQorkQjcHkj2NJ4J2sfVoOCpFTVB4EtW9qJfhwLru7Q1H90dudgC2nRcR4Ll_rf6YGE3y0jItRiLqvC5jTFf/s200/mom+and+i.jpg" t$="true" width="163" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom & I </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqkjIX_Anm_Gp-YzvQczL9GX4pByxfpVYNR7g37Aexo5ovx1MZWFa2qBw-hJVQV4H_an__OR7HD-TYo35BdMAKyn3BGORNmCcCo5Exvgu-iQbhHH13yxZjFfrOxQkO5yUQ63YMyuzexHTU/s1600/IMG_5176a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqkjIX_Anm_Gp-YzvQczL9GX4pByxfpVYNR7g37Aexo5ovx1MZWFa2qBw-hJVQV4H_an__OR7HD-TYo35BdMAKyn3BGORNmCcCo5Exvgu-iQbhHH13yxZjFfrOxQkO5yUQ63YMyuzexHTU/s200/IMG_5176a.jpg" t$="true" width="160" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;">My Dad & I </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXQSBOxPsnWqCaor8OuUx8PjO4GRXMgKvev9XOqZf58d6NVr2LE6oOS-t3qlzHYxT1sIMkUKwSxvh13wO3PLw_LNXmkf9l390t6ZxjG2qyQi4akxbhn0cEXEldO8aTV56kjATWzLsML7Yd/s1600/DSC03477.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXQSBOxPsnWqCaor8OuUx8PjO4GRXMgKvev9XOqZf58d6NVr2LE6oOS-t3qlzHYxT1sIMkUKwSxvh13wO3PLw_LNXmkf9l390t6ZxjG2qyQi4akxbhn0cEXEldO8aTV56kjATWzLsML7Yd/s200/DSC03477.JPG" t$="true" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mr. Bowie</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDOKzrucN3S975hOolztVZaqeYMsrXVwaflH8jXxbgOE2_8UPaH08GV94eblLyfUpENORU_8LkFbvanOy0RHqjE57faDtlIbZkuyR9l8e59dDZoaXhqkpomT3g4-3KcffuipbKSlWIg83u/s1600/DSC03466.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDOKzrucN3S975hOolztVZaqeYMsrXVwaflH8jXxbgOE2_8UPaH08GV94eblLyfUpENORU_8LkFbvanOy0RHqjE57faDtlIbZkuyR9l8e59dDZoaXhqkpomT3g4-3KcffuipbKSlWIg83u/s200/DSC03466.JPG" t$="true" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pippa Lu</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidiXjCSrLhqtyozB4K-R14UBy2BXj1fdY8AyNzRtSUlIy4Y18kWUfRZH_A7QAPHAOjrZ4lH9iAiYwQLM3Kg_hCtsMjfd0P5mboBduZUkbLe2dTvfuD_Hy6vKeSmIdAF6KA_L7StrS1lmEf/s1600/Recent+055.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidiXjCSrLhqtyozB4K-R14UBy2BXj1fdY8AyNzRtSUlIy4Y18kWUfRZH_A7QAPHAOjrZ4lH9iAiYwQLM3Kg_hCtsMjfd0P5mboBduZUkbLe2dTvfuD_Hy6vKeSmIdAF6KA_L7StrS1lmEf/s200/Recent+055.jpg" t$="true" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My brother</td></tr>
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</div>Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-58920714797971705942011-08-01T21:53:00.000-04:002011-08-01T22:58:53.980-04:00Rollerblading<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh15-A0M6Sle4r8cCM63V06Svg-0009VZyoKmvkSOj_mf8s4Z2WEH8Nrm-9sgnS5qIWRydmM1-ovuiJfX8PLZGq3l6mfv1rQOZRHSQZWI5oZKWpcg5YNSUIiLimt1ekiLvHrUsWR8kX9Ik4/s1600/rollerblades.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh15-A0M6Sle4r8cCM63V06Svg-0009VZyoKmvkSOj_mf8s4Z2WEH8Nrm-9sgnS5qIWRydmM1-ovuiJfX8PLZGq3l6mfv1rQOZRHSQZWI5oZKWpcg5YNSUIiLimt1ekiLvHrUsWR8kX9Ik4/s1600/rollerblades.jpg" t$="true" /></a> </div><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As this blog is about the many pieces of my heart tonight I shall divulge the "jock" side of me. I LOVE to roller blade. I am not the greatest at it and from time to time I fall down but overall I am fairly good and it is a GREAT workout. As I love to roller blade so much I asked for mom and dad to get me my Christmas present early, like August early. I wanted a new pair of roller blades and didn't truly want to spend the money myself. Now while this may sound like a cheap way to get roller blades (and come on it is) it was also a good idea as now my mother will have one less person to worry about at Christmas. She has also bought my brother’s Christmas present early, as well as dad's present sooo.. I was the odd man out; now only my hubby gets a present at Christmas. But I digress. So this Sunday mom and I were at the mall together (rare occurrence but it was brother's birthday and we were celebrating there) and she had decided that she was going to buy my roller blades. The Dick's at the mall did not have the roller blades I wanted so mom got me a gift card and hubby and I went to another Dick's and actually bought better roller blades then I originally chose.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So tonight rolls around and I am DYING to use my roller blades. Mom and I go to Weight Watchers (lost another 1.6 lbs.), we eat dinner and then on my mom's wise suggestion I roller blade home. Now my parent's house is a 10-minute walk from my house so it is not bad to roller blade home. So I strap on my blades and head out, down their ramp and bump into their car (it was hilly-ish and hard to stop). Head down the drive and down the road and while a little unsteady not bad. These are new roller blades and I am not quite used to how they feel and glide. So I go tooling down the street and do fairly well (I was able to stop/slow down before rolling into McCord road). So I decide instead of trying to blade on the uneasy sidewalk and go the short way home, when I get to "my street" I will go in the street. Now our street is truly two streets that join together and make a horseshoe shape. So I am doing well, feeling good, gaining speed, gaining speed, starting to wiggle while still gaining speed and I fall. No one saw me thank goodness but I have marks on my hands and my leg hurts a little. Now I can see my house from where I am but I am not willing to blade there as our street has a fairly good decline come to find out and I can't really stop myself, so I walk in people's yards until I get to the house across the street from my neighbor's and I cross the street and make it to my yard where I then walk across the yard. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">After making it into the house I check my leg that has lovely road rash on it (see below) and survey for anymore damage (none as far as I can tell). So all in all not a bad experience, I will not be hanging up my roller blades, I just may find flatter terrain for awhile. And D**N what a workout it was my leg muscles are sore now. I shall try again tomorrow, for now I shall take Advil.</span> </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqKWSrHNUEw5Iu4rbYIybgAFVjFMaXhn84X8WjaToENRq6LQrbPFySCOXfufvF5ci93Ww3g5GwKEIcnOXlxCt7CLAhUXnmBgPOr6UvyBkbv1wfd-6qjEvh5yagetMH-c2dRl7La2FxN4dp/s1600/right+hand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqKWSrHNUEw5Iu4rbYIybgAFVjFMaXhn84X8WjaToENRq6LQrbPFySCOXfufvF5ci93Ww3g5GwKEIcnOXlxCt7CLAhUXnmBgPOr6UvyBkbv1wfd-6qjEvh5yagetMH-c2dRl7La2FxN4dp/s200/right+hand.jpg" t$="true" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Right Hand</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Ka4_IBe4IgJQWu7yxM_FjIejnL6UCHx2QW13qM1ElUk_wmeYF7SRf1npn_ynB8Q_Q30JZGC_q2KFpwouDkn1ATZ4k_oYnf6-5u5sY_8-LhucHqFPb0U6Hqf72r0CiY-YbNAlUJexm6-R/s1600/DSC03509.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Ka4_IBe4IgJQWu7yxM_FjIejnL6UCHx2QW13qM1ElUk_wmeYF7SRf1npn_ynB8Q_Q30JZGC_q2KFpwouDkn1ATZ4k_oYnf6-5u5sY_8-LhucHqFPb0U6Hqf72r0CiY-YbNAlUJexm6-R/s200/DSC03509.JPG" t$="true" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Left hand</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF1AP3mrRcmcd8OZu3fuZ2y-63nJ-Uy_Vg9CPbXGGIMtZL-CCvH6vg61uERKrnR-PvY_w6nCoE9-burZifmMoOLJzf3744rQeB9IMFa3NbzpIgFvUzpbXKdcKoQFryooBBjtgzga9Ot-GG/s1600/Back+of+my+leg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF1AP3mrRcmcd8OZu3fuZ2y-63nJ-Uy_Vg9CPbXGGIMtZL-CCvH6vg61uERKrnR-PvY_w6nCoE9-burZifmMoOLJzf3744rQeB9IMFa3NbzpIgFvUzpbXKdcKoQFryooBBjtgzga9Ot-GG/s200/Back+of+my+leg.jpg" t$="true" width="128" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Leg road rash</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span>Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-14907685939590219432011-07-28T17:23:00.000-04:002011-07-28T17:23:04.368-04:00Ronald McDonald HouseAs I lay in bed yesterday after temporarily fixing my bed from the cats (another story, another time) I started thinking about the time we spent at Ronald McDonald House of Ann Arbor. While it was not home it was pretty darn close. We knew with Liberty being so fragile and in the NICU that we would not be able to comfortably commute from home which was an hour away from the hospital but we also couldn't sleep in the NICU for what we originally thought would be 15 weeks. At the Ronald McDonald house we had our own bedroom with two twin beds that we pushed together to make a "bigger" bed and we shared a bathroom with one other room. Also while staying at Ronald McDonald someone came in every night to make dinner and/or leave treats and as parents busy with sick children the dinner and treats were always appreciated. We also all had a chore each day but if it was not possible to get the chore done then that was okay as well. There were a few times we stayed at the hospital late or didn't go back to the house for 24 hours when our chores were not done and while I always felt bad I knew it was more important to be with our little girl. <br />
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In the end when we lost Liberty, we were grateful that we were able to stay so close to her for as long as she was here on Earth with us. The day we lost Libby the Social worker at the hospital called Ronald McDonald to first get my baby blanket from the house to hold Libby with and then when we had to leave Ann Arbor the house was great about letting us get our stuff and leave, they understood how hard it was for us. In leaving we left food that I hope others were able to enjoy. <br />
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My hopes are that we will never have to go through a situation like this again but I know if we do we will stay at the Ronald McDonald House again. I also feel that I owe Ronald McDonald House more than the money we gave them for staying there; without them I would not have been able to be close to my baby for those beautiful 3 weeks she was here. So with that in mind I am asking all my followers (all 4 of you) to start saving your pop (or beer) tabs. They really do amount to something for the Ronald McDonald House and the families that stay there. Once you have a pile let me know and I will come collect them from you and take them to the House.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-11013092039918689322011-07-27T02:04:00.000-04:002011-07-27T02:04:09.219-04:00Quentin TarantinoIn my husband's world Quentin should be revered as a god or at least a film genius. He made me watch Pulp Fiction tonight which was a good movie but not really my type of movie; I am more of the romantic comedy kind of girl. But anyways back to Pulp Fiction, I can respect it for the art of it. It was well written, it was mildly entertaining and yes, Quentin did a good job directing, writing, being the <place w:st="on">Hollywood</place> god that he is but still I only found the movie good. You also have to understand that for 7 YEARS my husband has been complaining about the fact that I have not previously watched Pulp Fiction and therefore the movie has somewhat been the bane of my existence and until tonight I have avoided it, not because I thought I wouldn't like the movie but because I didn't want to give into him.<br />
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When the movie was finished and my darling husband with stars in his eyes asks me what I thought, I answer it was good. He then launches into a diatribe about how awesome Quentin Tarantino is and how he has done things others in <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">Hollywood</place></city> have not and yadda yadda yadda. Quite frankly I tuned him out at some point during his diatribe so I am not sure what all he said but I know he was trying to sell me on Quentin’s godliness. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now it is 2 am and he is trying to sell me on watching Reservoir Dogs…suddenly I am feeling very tired and need to take myself to bed.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-54976544240077637252011-07-26T19:42:00.000-04:002011-07-26T19:42:01.513-04:00Watching the Pounds Fall OffI wish the pounds would just fall off but amazingly enough they don't, I actually have to WORK to get them to come off. I joined Weight Watchers in May and so far I am doing fairly well; I've lost 20 lbs. I work out about 5 times a week, watch what I eat, track my points; I am a good little dieter. As my mother would say I am the diet nazi. I comment on everything I eat and tell her the points of everything she is eating, which makes her oh so happy with me. My hopes is to lose about 75-84 lbs. by my 5 year anniversary, which means continuing to work out, drinking 8 glasses of water, and being dilligent with the tracking. I know it is possible and I can do it, but thinking about it feels huge. <br />
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With that said I have 11 points left for the day and I think I am going to go get myself an ice cream cone. Oh the joys of WW, I get to eat ice cream and not feel bad about it.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318517810233658093.post-58808434715628545382011-07-25T22:00:00.000-04:002011-07-25T22:00:32.076-04:00So Many PiecesWhen my husband and I met 7 years ago I had no idea life would be what it has become. We have had our ups, our downs, and our bottom of the barrel life doesn't get any harder than this moments. When we said our wedding vows 4 years ago and the deacon said "for better or for worse..." he wasn't kidding. We have lived with family to save money, we own our own home after living in 3 different apartments, we have found out about medical difficulties that I have, we have had 2 stillborn babies and given birth and lost our beautiful daughter Liberty. Through this blog I am hoping to write about my life and what I am going through in the hopes that someone else will gain some comfort, inspiration or hope from my experiences. This blog is not only about the loss of my angel babies (Ziggy, Frank, and Liberty) but also my husband, my weight loss, our path to pregnancy and the everyday joys in life.Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10448971716008961313noreply@blogger.com2