When, when, when

I want a baby and I want one NOW!!!

Now that, that is out I can rationally speak. A month ago Kyle and I went to see Maternal Fetal medicine peeps and we now have a pre-conception plan. With the pre-conception plan in place and knowing what we need to do, the want to be pregnant is stronger everyday. There are some things holding us back such as Kyle getting settled into a new job, me wanting to lose 25 more lbs., and getting past Liberty's birthday and death day.

Hopefully starting in May I can begin doing my basal body temps. again and start to see the pattern of my cycle and then maybe by Fall we will be "ready". Quite frankly I am not sure we will ever be ready, ready; it's going to be more like jumping into a freezing cold pool, one little toe in at a time.

All the reasons for needing/wanting to wait but I am still anxious to be pregnant, to feel a baby move inside me, to see my belly get huge, to be uncomfortable and swollen. Every time some one announces they are pregnant I want to run home and try to get pregnant as well. I know I need to deal with some more of my grief and get my emotional and mental strength back but I still really want to be pregnant. It is S-L-O-W-L-Y becoming about wanting to get pregnant with our next child not being pregnant to replace any of our children. I am finally at a place where I can say that no child will ever replace my sweet angel babies.

Also with the next pregnancy not only will we be anxious the entire 9 months but there is NOTHING magical about getting pregnant and no sweet way to tell Kyle once I am; as I have to start on medication before we can even try. Sure I can take the medicine in private but I only have a 2 month supply so Kyle has to be on board with me getting pregnant. With him being in the medical field he will know as soon as we start trying how long he has to wait for me to take a test and I can guarantee he will stand in the bathroom with me while I do it.

Growing up you always hear be careful you don't want to get pregnant, make sure you use protection you don't want to be pregnant, yadda yadda yadda. Now that I want to be pregnant and have children I have to not only not use protection (obviously), but poke myself, take a handful of vitamins and medications, wake up early and stick a thermometer in my mouth before I am truly awake, and as all of this is so sexy I then have to convince my wonderful husband that I am sexy and that we need to have sex RIGHT NOW!!!!!

Here's to hoping I soon get to write a blog post about being pregnant. For now I will look at Pintrest for cute baby things and cuddle with my fur babies.