Monday, January 30, 2012

THE Doctor's appointment

So today was the day that we went to meet with the doctor to find out what the plan is for the next pregnancy. I know, I know, really you are going to try a fourth time??? and to that I say YES, yes we are. This will be our last pregnancy and d***it, it will work and I will have a baby here on Earth to hold and cuddle and kiss.

Anyways back to the doctor's appointment today. We went in and basically discussed what we had learned from hematology and reproductive endocrinologist, which was that normally my hormones are where they should be and that I don't seem to have any other medical issues that we need to deal with before trying again (ALLELUIA). We then talked about what we are going to do next time which is Plaquenil and Lovenox. Both medications will start at ovulation and continue till I don't know when. Well the Lovenox will be consistent to the entire pregnancy but the dosage is being lowered to 40 mg 1 time per day for the first 20 weeks and then 40mg twice a day for the last 20 weeks. I am also going to start doign Basal Body temps. again to get a hold of my cycles. If I have to medicate myself at ovulation I best figure out when ovulation occurs.
So now we have been given the go to start trying again which is verve wracking and not something we are thinking about until Summer or Fall. We also won't have any more doctor's appointments until I am pregnant again which is a little stressful to think about.

I will get pregnant, I will have a child, Everything will be GREAT.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

An Unexpected Piece

I never thought I would say this...Exercise is a piece of my heart. A very tiny piece at this point but a piece non the less. I have found that I enjoy feeling my muscles work, the rapid beating of my heart, and the overall calm I feel after a work out. I still find I have to force myself to get up and go but once I do I never regret going and I even find myself doing more than I originally thought I would do.

9 weeks ago I started the couch to 5k program and was barely able to jog for more than 3 minutes. Now 9 weeks later I am jogging for 22 minutes straight and will soon start jogging 25 minutes. It is amazing how much stronger I feel and how much more I am able to push my body to do. Starting February 1st I am adding a daily ab workout in the hopes of seeing great results in my waist line.

For now I am off to change and do a small 30 minute workout at home.

Sunday, January 22, 2012


I, actually we (hubby and I) have the greatest friends in the world. Today we went out to lunch with our friends for all the January and February birthdays (there are approximately 10 in 8 weeks time) and looking around the room I realized how loved we are and how much we love all of them. Every one those people that were there today are the people that we can count on no matter what (and a few that were unable to make it). We have laughed and cried with these people more than once. We turn to them for advice, humor, and love. I hope that we provide our friends with as much love and support that they provide for us. We never say it enough. THANK YOU for your friendship!!!

Monday, January 9, 2012


No one word in the English language reminds me more of a nosey 2 year old then the word why. We have all dealt with the child that says why to everything they are told. Why do I have to eat green beans? Why are they green? Why do they smell funny? why, why, WHY (it can go for hours if you let it).

Unfortunately, this is a word that has lived in my head for many, many months. Why have we lost 3 beautiful babies? Why can't the Dr.s help me carry a baby? why, why, WHY???? But today my why issues are not only for me but for a good friend of mine who miscarried a baby last year and has reached her due date. Why do good people keep losing their beautiful children so early in life? Why are we not given them for many, many, many years? Why are we "given" them at all if they are just going to be taken from us before we can even hold them? 

Some people say "God has a plan", "believe in God" "and my favorite "There was a reason God took your child." Now after 3 losses I am hesitant to say that I feel God has a plan but I also have to cling to something even if it is a microscopic thread of belief. If I have no belief that there is an ultimate plan then I cannot believe that my day to be a mommy with not only beautiful angel babies but also earth (rainbow) babies will never come.

There are many people who mean well when saying the above phrases to a woman that has lost her child but as a woman who has lost her child they really do not console us or make us feel better in fact at least for myself they make me feel worse and madder at God. If he has a plan for me then why do I have three angel babies and not one baby in my arms? Why does my friend who has tried everything under the sun to have a baby mourning the child she should have delivered today? I do not see where God is at in all of this.

For all the mothers who have lost a baby I wish you peace and strength. No one should have to go through what we have gone through especially numerous times. I leave you with my favorite quote at the moment: People cry not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for too long.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

One of My Many Pieces

Today for some odd reason Pippa Lou has decided to love me. Before I explain how Pippa Lou is all about loving me I need to explain Pippa Lou. For the most part she is a cold hearted witch with a B. She does not like to be touched, she does not like to be held, she watches everyone's every move to make sure they are coming nowhere near her, she hisses when she is mad and she will also nip at your hand if she is really mad.

So now today I come home from work and end up falling asleep on the couch for a bit. While I am asleep, Pippa crawled up on the couch with me and fell asleep as well. She was quite content and probably would have stayed there awhile but I had to get up. While my dinner was cooking she curled up on my lap and then while I ate she curled up on my lap and is now sound asleep and allowing me to pet her.

They say pets sense illness and problems, but I don't know of anything being wrong with me except for my monthly friend coming so no idea why Pippa is so loving but I am enjoying it; even though my legs feel asleep 5 minutes ago as I am sitting on the couch Indian style.

Monday, January 2, 2012

New Year, New Resolution, New Me???

I started this blog months ago yet I have only posted several times so as many find themselves doing at this time of year I am making resolutions for the new year and one of them is going to be to update this blog on a regular basis. My other resolutions are:

1. Keep working on my weight loss and exercise. So far with the help of Weight Watchers I have been able to lose 50.4 lbs., I am 5 weeks into doing the couch to 5K program and I am planning on running a 5k in the Spring, I have become more physically fit, my blood pressure is normal, and my hormone levels have become stable and at a normal range.

2. Stand up for myself and tell people what I need. Too often I do not tell people what I need or how I am feeling but rather hold my emotions/comments in so that I do not offend others. While this is a good practice in life generally going through what Kyle and i have been through I need to be able to tell people when i am sad or that what they have said offends me.

3. Enjoy my husband and our relationship. Kyle and I have been together going on 8 years and have been married for almost 5 years. In that time we have moved 5 times; once in with family, have both been in school; Kyle to get his Associates in Nursing and I to get my Master's in Administration, we have lost three beautiful babies and have found that there are complications to me being pregnant, and we have been so broke that we had to scrounge for $1.00 to buy an ice cream cone to split.

Overall, my personal theme for this year is...ME. I will become the best me that I can be and I will work on enjoying life. I wish all of you a very wonderful 2012.