Friday, September 28, 2012


I don't really have a topic tonight or set thing I want to blog about but rather I have things on my mind that I want to share so tonight is about my ramblings and if you feel like giving advice feel free.

* Everytime I work out (mostly rollerblading) I think about how I will keep my activity up when I am pregnant and what I will do after I am pregnant. No, this is not because I am obsessed with pregnancy but rather I am obsessed with keeping all the weight I have lost off. Yes I know I will gain weight while pregnant but I want to keep weight gain to a minimum and I want to be a healthy pregnant woman.

* With thinking about pregnancy, I think of our beautiful angel babies and the pregnancies that gave my beautiful babies to me. All three pregnancies were "easy". I unfortunately gained wieght quickly but I felt good and overall I was healthy.

* Also with thinking about my past pregnancies and our girls I think about what I should have done differently while Libby was still here. I wish I had spent more time with her. I rationally know that I needed to sleep and take care of myself but all the times I sat in my hospital room watching TV, I wish I had been in the NICU watching her. I wish I had touched her more but I was SO afraid to make her sicker. I am so grateful for the time I did have with Libby I just wish I had, had so much more and that I had used the time I did have wiser.

* At times I am still distraught with grief over the loss of my girls

* When I am sad and upset I am able to find positive ways to deal with the pain and I can face and deal with the pain.

* I am physically, emotionally and mentally 100% stronger than I was a year ago. I have lost 82 lbs., I am training to run my second 5k and should be able to beat my previous time, and I am able to deal with my emotions and I have emotions other than sadness.

* I have wonderfully supportive family and friends.

* I am done rambling :) Thank you for sticking around and listening to my ramblings! Good Night

Footnote: no alcohol or other mind altering items were used prior to or after writing this.

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes it's good to ramble and get things off your chest. So to speak. I, too, wish we all had spent more time with Libby but I truly think you and Kyle gave 100% of yourselves to her. She knew her mommy and daddy loved her. I'm glad you had the time you did with her. Such precious moments - no one can ever take that from you.