I don't really have a topic tonight or set thing I want to blog about but rather I have things on my mind that I want to share so tonight is about my ramblings and if you feel like giving advice feel free.
* Everytime I work out (mostly rollerblading) I think about how I will keep my activity up when I am pregnant and what I will do after I am pregnant. No, this is not because I am obsessed with pregnancy but rather I am obsessed with keeping all the weight I have lost off. Yes I know I will gain weight while pregnant but I want to keep weight gain to a minimum and I want to be a healthy pregnant woman.
* With thinking about pregnancy, I think of our beautiful angel babies and the pregnancies that gave my beautiful babies to me. All three pregnancies were "easy". I unfortunately gained wieght quickly but I felt good and overall I was healthy.
* Also with thinking about my past pregnancies and our girls I think about what I should have done differently while Libby was still here. I wish I had spent more time with her. I rationally know that I needed to sleep and take care of myself but all the times I sat in my hospital room watching TV, I wish I had been in the NICU watching her. I wish I had touched her more but I was SO afraid to make her sicker. I am so grateful for the time I did have with Libby I just wish I had, had so much more and that I had used the time I did have wiser.
* At times I am still distraught with grief over the loss of my girls
* When I am sad and upset I am able to find positive ways to deal with the pain and I can face and deal with the pain.
* I am physically, emotionally and mentally 100% stronger than I was a year ago. I have lost 82 lbs., I am training to run my second 5k and should be able to beat my previous time, and I am able to deal with my emotions and I have emotions other than sadness.
* I have wonderfully supportive family and friends.
* I am done rambling :) Thank you for sticking around and listening to my ramblings! Good Night
Footnote: no alcohol or other mind altering items were used prior to or after writing this.
Sometimes it's good to ramble and get things off your chest. So to speak. I, too, wish we all had spent more time with Libby but I truly think you and Kyle gave 100% of yourselves to her. She knew her mommy and daddy loved her. I'm glad you had the time you did with her. Such precious moments - no one can ever take that from you.
ReplyDelete